Interpersonal
conflict is a prevalent and inevitable experience in everyone’s lives. Given the prevalence
of the ‘phenomenon’, it should be natural for us to develop different skills to
overcome the difficult situations. Yet, there seem to be times where many of us,
with our different priorities, unconsciously overlook the escalating
interpersonal conflict as we strived to get our own things done.
During my
holidays, I interned in a geotechnical lab. I was assigned to the lab data
processing team. While I did not have any issues with my direct supervisors, the
lab director seemed to have kept a bad impression of me. She did not express
her impression verbally and directly but I can feel the ‘tension’. I am not
ignorant but I really have to say, I don’t know why. I got really stressed up and so I
tried many ways to change that impression. I worked over-time, I tried to work
faster and proof-read vigorously, and whenever possible, I submitted my reports
early.
Well, I
thought that might have salvaged something or at least improved her impression
of me. Apparently, it did not work well because when I ended my internship, she
said, in a diplomatic way, that I was not serious in my work. I felt so
maligned and misjudged because during the internship, I saw her only thrice; on the
first day I reported to work; once when I was printing documents in the
photocopy room and once when I was refilling my cup at the water cooler. She may have been too busy to notice but I felt frustrated because those three
unproductive moments seemed to have overshadowed my hard work.
I describe
my experience as a form of interpersonal conflict because the outcome was a
result of our miscommunication or rather no communication. Although I wished that she'd told me earlier but it is also my fault
when I did not take the initiative to ask her what I did wrong. Things might
have been different if I actually plucked up my courage to clear the air.
I am sure
some of us will face a similar situation in the near future, so to my friends
who are reading this, how will you handle the situation differently? Share
some tips with me please!
It does appear that the lab director seemed to have set a personal vendetta against you right from the beginning. Perhaps there was a conflict that happened prior to your employment that you were unbeknownst to and it might not have been something you have done.
ReplyDeleteIt does feel like you have been misjudged or perhaps a first impression that has gone awry. I probably would have felt intimidated if I were in your shoes as well.
Recalling the video that was shared in class last week, perhaps you could have probed her further into elaborating about why she had made the comments about you? Ignore the hurt that she had just caused you and stand up for what you felt you had done right?
Another option was that perhaps you could have spoken up to your direct superior about your thoughts. As they might have had a better understanding of what was going on as they had been working with the lab director for a longer period of time. It probably should've been a more diplomatic option as well!
I agree with isabel that (since you were leaving anyway) perhaps you could have asked very tactfully what it is that you didn't do or that came across as "not taking your work seriously".
DeleteOh dear, it does look like you have been misjudged.
ReplyDeleteI would like to share with you some tips I have learnt over the years. The next time you feel there is some tension between your supervisor and yourself, try to break it.
For example, if you bump into your supervisor while filling water, you could politely ask her if she needs some water as well. This sounds very trivial, but it could increase interaction between the both of you. Then you could slowly talk to her more, and hence obtain her opinions about your work.
It takes a lot of courage to do this, but it is never too early to start now!